Families can be together forever-through Heavenly Fathers plan.

I made that the blog title this week cuz it’s true! But what I wanted to title it is “the WORST week”! It’s true too. I don’t know where to start-or end-or how do I even survive?  But we are -on the strength of a million prayers - our own, and others on our behalf and we’re thankful. 

Tuesday at 38 1/2 weeks I went to my routine appointment to check on our little guy but Dr Speak couldn’t find a heartbeat. I was nervous that morning that I hadn’t felt him but I thought oh no worries I‘ll get him checked on today. Wrong. What a crushing blow! What a tough few days it’s been! I’ve cried a lot! Isaac I’ve never seen him cry-ever! This included! But he’s been crushed too. He doesn’t cry (Cannon and I wonder if he has tear ducts 😉) but I know our little guy has 2 parents who love him equally who are equally heartbroken. He’s been my rock though. I’m so thankful for him. Of course I thought the blog was going to start with stories of him bringing home cats or tearing out the fence he promised to leave up because I liked it for pictures (both true) and I realize I like to give him a hard time but the guy deserves some credit this week!!! He’s so strong and he’s been so tender with me.  I love him. 

There’s so much to say-stories to tell-tender mercies to recognize but I don’t know what I can do...

Tuesday afternoon was when our world flipped on end. Isaac took the boys to the church that evening to play in the gym and I started sewing a little pair of white pants that I had planned on making for his blessing outfit. I know I’m not the first one to experience this but No mom should ever have to make their kids burial clothes!! That’s just my vote! It was awful but also gave me something to do for him as I tried to process never getting to do other things for our Little Guy. Wednesday I made his little tie -and I kept the kids home from school cuz I needed to be with them.

We scheduled the induction for Thursday morning. 

My mom came Wednesday night. Honestly I was fine with her not coming but I’m so glad she did-my kids needed her!!!! They’ve taken it pretty hard. Well except Seth he’s oblivious but also this almost two year old tornado/ray of sunshine that brings smiles in between tears. But it’s been good for me to have her here too and Isaac made a really sweet comment about how huge it was to have her come!

Thursday was HORRIBLE! But...I’m not sure it was worse than Tuesday not hearing anything on that Doppler thing or subsequent ultrasound. 

Walking into that delivery room-so dang hard. Just somber and gut wrenching. My new favorite song is Gentri’s version of Be Still My Soul! It’s just good for my heart every time I play it—and we’ve played it a LOT

https://youtu.be/8hJJhuUMqdo

Once there I didn’t have a “pain management plan” I’m usually an epidural gal but I had Seth without. I figured whatever we’ll see what happens compared to my broken heart the physical pain was literally the very least of my concerns. But it was awful. Hours of walking the hall (with a mask on) and the Devil pitocin on board. Epidural not an option because my platelets were too low. “relaxing” was impossible! Hearing a baby cry as we walked the hall—so hard!!  Feyntanal was a dream with Seth-was completely useless this time. Just so different. And I was so scared-of everything. Seeing him holding him. Not hearing him. I just wanted it to be different!!!! I had Isaac though, all to myself and so dialed in for me!!! He’s the best!  I had a good nurse and I have a great Dr but I still can’t change the fact he died. There was a 50/50 chance we’d know why once I delivered him but we still don’t. They cultured the placenta to see if it would tell them anything. They might know the results but I don’t.  Delivery was HELL although I only swore once-pretty good for me- **I do wish I had made it without though** but who wants to go through that for that result? Not me! It was awful and not fast enough and nobody else could do it for me. And maybe I should have had a “plan” but I didn’t. 

I wanted to quit. 

Anyway then we got our angel little brothers body here. 

His skin was too delicate to bathe him it was peeling up in several places. But the nurses put his little brother outfit on. We did it for his brothers. But then later I helped put his burial clothes on, that was hard but also important for me to do.  We just put them over the top of his little brother outfit because of his skin but that bulked  him up a bit and helped them fit. 

I only had that one day to hold him. 

It was so hard. I hated all the things that meant his spirit wasn’t really here-just his body-especially that he felt cold. 

So thankful for this crew! Got this much needed pic while we were at the hospital. 

Oh but I really do need to acknowledge the strength we’ve felt from prayers-I cried so much and so often but every time the Dr or nurse came in I was composed and except for the delivery part I stayed composed until they left!! We had to stay until it had been 6 hours after delivery to make sure I was stable but then we got to come home. Thank heaven!  

Isaac knows the funeral director out in Milan from doing church funerals. He’s a really nice guy, he gladly signed the paper to release the body to us so we got to bring him home and his brothers at least got to see him. 

So hard though

Wednesday Isaac dealt with all the cemetery burial type stuff.  I think it was a good focused distraction for him. He found one about 1.5 miles from our house. It’s pretty run down but the guy who used to take care of it is actually a member of the other ward. We will be able to visit his grave often! And we intend to help keep it a little nicer. 

We buried him today. 

It was so cold-we should’ve had coats but instead we dressed in the would have been blessing day outfits. 

Is it bad that I like this pic because Isaac and I both look so broken? It’s true we are! 

Isaac said the most beautiful prayer as he dedicated his grave! 

Oh wait his name!!! Israel R Ison and we like to call him Riz. 

I feel like I have to explain his name -Ha! 

So here it goes-

Isaac always wanted a son named Jacob but his oldest brother named his son that. And Isaac loves bible names but not normal simple ones like Mark  or Josh or Luke. He likes the ones like Abraham or Ezekiel and such (not really my style) Israel has been brought up before as the its the name change on Jacob but I hated it-sounds like a war in the Middle East to me. But then President Nelson gave that talk in conf about how the Hebrew meaning is to Let God Prevail and we liked that even before we knew what it would mean for us. Sunday-he was still alive-we sang Israel Israel God is calling for the opening hymn. I kept hoping Isaac would look over so I could smirk at him for picking that song. But he didn’t look and later he said it wasn’t him, but as we sang I  kindof finally settled on that name as long as I could call him Riz. Isaacs dad passed away last Feb 1st (I was so sure that Isaacs dad sent this one and that he’d be born on Feb 1st-I’m obviously not in charge) but all along I wanted his middle name to be R after Grandpa Ison (Ralph)  —And I thought about R Isreal Ison because that would make Riz make more sense but I didn’t want his first given name to be R—

So there ya have it-my little guardian angel buddy Riz!

We love him my sweet friend sent me this I was familiar with it but so thankful  to be reminded of it. 

Of course there’s more but that’s best I can do for now! 

And other normal stuff like Cannon had basketball-they actually won-yay! And he won the Student Leader of the month award!! Sethy keeping things light. When we skip school cuz we’re heartbroken we play hard. Or that I actually ran off the road on my way to that worst appointment of my life. And right then I thought that was the worst part of the day. Not even close. 

That’s all for now.

Well this last week went zooming by! 

Cannon and I went to basketball last Saturday but I can’t really remember anything else. Oh wait we tended the Bryant boys and then later that day Colt and Cannon got to go to Tillman’s birthday party. Tan was CRUSHED he couldn’t go-stupid quarantine. But it was a good day. I’m purposely staying away from basketball the next couple weeks!! 

I got a couple pics from Tans teacher via email on Sunday. 

And we traded out quarentine kids with the Pettit’s. Pretty sure Tan had more fun at their house than Haven had at our! Sorry Haven. Oh well. Church was a wrestling match-actually Cann and Colt were fantastic they were marking their scriptures very intently. Seth was a wrestling match! I wanted to do kid interviews and work on our goal boards but by time we got done with virtual Sunday school and snuck a nap in-not much else happened! 

Monday everyone was off school and we had the Pettit’s out to ski/sled it was really fun!! 

Tuesday Michaila’s tended while I went to the Dr and the Grocery store by MYSELF! That was fantastic. Isaac and I slipped out on a lunch date and grabbed a sandwich before I went and got the boys too. It was a good morning! Wednesday Tan was finally done with quarantine so he got to go back to school! That was nice but I do think not being able to go anywhere helped push me over the edge on potty training so for that I’m grateful. Seth is doing pretty good. I’d like little brother to stay camped for a little while while Seth gets better and better at it...cuz I think a hiccup is inevitable. But he’s doing awesome!...mostly...

Cann’s new glasses. (Seth keeps breaking then —cuz Cannon keeps leaving them where he can reach them—but we’re thankful there’s the $6 online option! ) 

I am the maid around here. I prepare every meal-I clean up every meal! As I’m typing this the sink is full, I didn’t clean up tonight. Whoops. I’ll get to it. But Wednesday I demanded help and these two were awesome about it! Cann balked so he got to help me himself on Thursday. But it really does make such a difference if I feel like they are pitching in. For my sanity (and for their future wives!) we’ve all got to do better. We need to figure out some kind of routine—but this was a start. Yay! 

Colt man’s latest art project. 

And my Friday buddies...kinda felt like we were back in quarentine-but that’s ok! We like hang’n out and staying in jammies as long as we want! 



Oh and one more thing, we talked about the 116 pages of lost manuscript this week and the boys were enthralled! I love it when the are asking questions and I know they’re listening. It was fantastic! Tanner couldn’t have cared less about the pages he said that was “not sad but it is way sad that the baby (Joseph and Emma’s) died” it was just really sweet that he was so sensitive to that part of the story. We had a good discussion though about caring what people think verses caring what God thinks. Then later in the week we had a virtual lesson with the missionaries and they taught from Elder Whiting’s talk and encouraged us to fill out the Christlike attributes worksheet in the Preach my Gospel manual. The boys were awesome deciding sometimes always never on things...and I have a LOT to work on! Yikes. Patience...the boys were like “Mom, Why do you have so many ‘1’s’ on yours.” I answered “Well, cuz I’m never very patient.” And they said “oh, your right-you’re not!” Ha. Whoops. Truth! 

Lots of pics of Seth...

Seth loves pics of himself...this week there are lots. Sometimes we call him the narcissist...

He’s getting to be a pretty cute little talker too. 

https://youtu.be/DCkRPgGbhzE

He knows exactly what he’s saying-but I can’t always tell. 

I have no idea what we did last Saturday so...survived? a win for sure! Cannon didn’t have basketball so that was nice. I think the boys played outside a lot-we love that! Sunday Seth was rock’s his new suit! I hated the one he had! I bought it because I’m a clearance addict and it was $9 or $10 bucks. I thought silver will be ok his brothers have grey ones but -it was always ugly. I almost gave it to the thrift store before he ever wore it at all but then I let him wear it and he LOVED IT one time when we were just going down to play at the church he whined “my oot my oot” so anyway I got him a new one for Christmas but I guessed wrong on the size so then I ordered this one and...I love it.

Grama found the CAT yellow tie for a deal and my silhouette made the skid steer-so he pretty much has a favorite tie these days who knows if I’ll ever get him to wear a different one. 

Little wonder he loves his suit-gotta be like those big brothers-they we’re pretty cute with their buddies the Bryants. No Tan cuz he is in quarantine but so is Haven so Michaila let me drop him off-she’s the best. 

Oh the mask life. I kinda hate that pics like this are normal these days. 

Monday just a couple Seth pics and we found out we were losing Sister Seamons so the missionaries stopped by. 

That day I had the brilliant idea to take Isaac some lunch into work and pic up Haven for Tan to play with...

Haven wanted to play upstairs Tan wanted to go sledding. I should have made him stick with the -you do what our guest wants- plan. After playing upstairs a while they wanted to head out. Ok I bundled them up—and sent them out the door. I thought they would just sled on the cellar hill like we had a few days before. I was wrong. I’m not saying we’ve never sledded down our driveway-but I am saying we’ve never done it when there was NO SNOW -ONLY MUD on it. When they came back in they were COVERED head to toe in mud. Tanner was blaming Haven like crazy (cuz that’s what he hears all the time) I was like no way you live here-you know better. I didn’t have my phone with me when they came to the door and while I was tempted to go grab it instead I just started stripping them down. The load of laundry (as if my 4 earlier that morning hadn’t been enough) totally should have been sprayed off with a hose first but they were already in on the rug and I didn’t have shoes on so I just let the washer fill and agitate for a few minutes then drain and start over about 3 times...and there was still tons of dirt in the bottom of my washer when I was done. It was a huge mess. Oh well I lived to tell about it. 

Then my two little buddies in their construction jams. 

Tan wanted alone time (to play with Cannons stuff while he was at school) so Seth and I made cookies. None of my other kids have sat on the counter but...he used the drawer handles as a ladder and climbed right up. Little monkey! 

A little dribble-rama in the kitchen! I might be the only mom to appreciate this. 

Tan always has a ball in his hand! I can’t hardly get Cannon to touch one outside of games/practice it drives me crazy because there’s so many little things he could do to get better. But he is getting to be quite a reader-he devours books and I’m grateful he likes to read. Life’s about balance-he’s probably better than me! 

He’s been a challenge for me lately...maybe for years now...yikes!!! But I found this quote from Elder Holland’s son last night and I was like sweet-maybe that is the answer to my prayers! So I’m going to do my best to give it a shot! Of course I replaced  teachers with parents for this situation But here it is: 

 "So often as teachers we're inclined to talk more than we listen, but I think if you want to be an effective teacher, you've got to use your ears. Your ears are how you can help them reach that next level of understanding."

Hopefully documenting it here will help me remember. I have it on my phone too! 

Anyway-Then Wednesday came. Seth is at that rotten age where he pats his diaper and says I pooped. I HATE IT I think if you’re big enough to tell me that you’re big enough to do it in the potty. But I haven’t had it in me to tackle potty training. Tuesday night I had the epiphany that it’s not going to get any easier when I have a nursing baby. Ugggg! So Wednesday we jumped all in! As if late pregnancy isn’t miserable enough why not add the worst parenting job to to it. But with Tan in quarantine I don’t have leave the house much so we’ve been dialed in. And...he’s doing...ok. I’d say we’re about 50/50...maybe. 

Showing off his Undies! 

So that was my life Wed and Thurs we even went down to pick up his bro’s with no diaper! It was the plan today too but when Isaac got the boys into town this morning there wasn’t a soul at Cannons school. Whoops-maybe I shouldn’t ignore ALL the texts from the schools (they just send so dang many) it was a snow day! So he brought them home (because the roads really were bad he didn’t want me to just come get them even though it was a squeeze time-wise with his first class. So live and learn on that. Potty training goes better without so much commotion at home though! We’ll see how the weekend goes! Thursday night I yelled “hey” at the kids-that is seriously all I said (well the time we’re talking about anyway) but Isaac was right there and he HATES IT when I yell.  I’m like what the heck? It works and they just ignore me otherwise. But he HATES IT. And even though I feel super justified—I really do know he’s right. So anyway today I end up with all 4 kids home and I’m trying my hardest not to yell at all so instead...embrace the mess. 

Why does it have to be in the kitchen??? I don’t know???

They did finally go play outside today though 👍🏻

Oh and I went to look at a google doc for Isaac last night only to open the computer and find a black and white destroyed screen. Seth. I have a newer computer  but pretty much everything since 2013 is one that one, I hope we can get things off it! 🤞🏻 If not...well at least our whole lives are here on the blog. 

Until next time! 

Look at these grins! Sometimes the farmhouse is a pretty good gig! 

Friday Isaac swung by the grocery store for me and he came home with loads of goodies. Muffins, orange juice, bacon, I don’t even know what else. When I told him “honey you did way better for our anniversary than you did for Christmas” he answered “oh that stuff wasn’t for you, that was for your parents” 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Then he back pedaled a little and said “well I got it cuz I thought you would like me to get it for them so I guess it was kindof for you.” He should’ve quit while he was ahead. But he really is the best-I mean that was super sweet of him to makes sure we had stuff for a yummy breakfast for them. He spent all of Saturday morning helping scrape a parking lot with his skid steer. He said  afterward “Yeah darn, if I would thought of that breakfast being for you I wouldn’t have gone and done that parking lot.” But it was fine. We ate breakfast and Grama and Grampa hit the road. I sure hate goodbyes. I always have! Poor Tan is my kid! But they took off and we sulked for a bit then headed out to the snow to distract ourselves. 

It was a good time. But things really got fun when Isaac got home! Oh but first Seth in this next pic and Tanner in the one above they call these chunks of snow  “teddy bears” today I asked Tanner why???? He said “cuz you nuggle wif’m” (snuggle with them)  hmmm ok. 

I really thought Isaac was only going to be a couple hours scraping that parking lot and he left at 6:30 but I was 11:30 before he got home. Once he did though the kids wanted to ski! 

It was a blast! 

https://youtu.be/oalF9v0T26Y

That night after a baptism we did sneak out on a super quick anniversary date. We grabbed our favorite “date” cheesecakes from Aldi for us and our friends we dumped the kids on from Aldi, then hit Arby’s and last had him go to Walmart with me and pick out and outfit for Little Guy to wear home. There wasn’t much selection buy I found a couple I liked and had him pick. He picked the orange (such an Ison color) striped one that said “Little Brother” I’ll post picks in about 4 weeks 😊 oh I’ve always liked the zipper jamas way better than snaps cuz there so much easier to do up-especially in the middle of the night. But the new ones have 2 way zippers so you can start from the bottom end when needed. Genius!  I hope I like them as much as I think I’m going to! 

Anyway back to the stories of the week. We had so much fun Saturday that Monday we invited our friends out for more! The Bryant’s came out and tried skiing and Brody came over too. 

We ended up getting the gym that day so after all of the snow fun chaos Cann and I went down to basketball. I definitely overdid it that day. Whoops. 

Tanner was so excited they both got “Curry shorts” for Christmas in their stocking and they were both wearing them. The pic was Tanners idea and Cannon was just about as cooperative as his face implies. 

Punk. 

And Tuesday it was back to school!! Yay!!! Until Thursday they called and told us Tanner had been exposed to a positive COVID case. So he’s in quarantine. Great. I asked what that meant for the rest of us because I’m at the Dr appts every week stage of the game but they said as long as he doesn’t test positive the rest of us are fine...hmm okay 
Anyway

I’m sure there are more stories to tell-oh like I flipped my YouTube hating lid yesterday but —I keep  falling asleep and have dropped the phone twice

So I guess I’m done. 

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2021-we hope you’re a good one! 

We’ve had a great time with Grama and Grampa here-man the week sure goes by fast! 

These boys love Grama’s phone and who doesn’t love the tickle monster?!?!

When Grampa got a short break from ticking Sethy showed him how to run the skid steer...well for the small price of a poppa treat. 

Grama and I conspired a little on this fun Christmas present. Too bad we BOTH thought it was twice as big as it is. Whoops. She had it shipped to Rays and she kept wanting me to go check it out but I just shrugged her off and didn’t know what there was to see and I didn’t want to feel stupid knocking and saying “ummm can I see the Christmas present my mom sent?” But as soon as I saw the box I was like oh crud-I should’ve went and checked it out! Lesson: you should listen to your mom. Can someone tell my kids this lesson too??

But it is what it is. It’s easier to park it in the basement...Sorry big boys-they don’t fit at all!!! Tanner...can squeeze in and Seth is in heaven but it was a screw up by me for sure! The angle of the picture made us think it was a two seater. The kids love playing on the Moody’s and the Pettit’s little cars like this, we thought I was going to be so fun...and Seth does love this one. There is a remote control that drives it-so Cann (and Colt but Cannon hogs it) can drive Seth around...at least they have fun with the giant remote control. Grampa put it together Sat morning while we went to Myla’s and a convert baptism, and Grama volunteered and went over to the Rogers and cleaned. For one thing she’s a pretty darn good white tornado and secondly she’s already had COVID so it was an awesome service project for her. Sister Rogers went to the hospital (I think Christmas Day) Bro Rogers had gone a few days before that and they took him to Columbia. He did pass away I think Wednesday. Bummer-but he’s in a better place. Great man, great life. I mean just the first of Dec he was sharing his testimony (about his 50th birthday-he was 85) and how the Lord is always mindful of us. So its kindof sad but I’m sure it’s not sad for him! Isaacs had to do a few funerals but I think Bro Rogers is the first active faithful member to pass away since Isaacs been bishop. And funeral...maybe...after Sis Rogers gets out of the hospital, I don’t think his kids plan on coming out so I guess time will tell. Makes me realize how lucky we are that our folks will drive out to see us! Isaac mom at Thanksgiving, mine at Christmas, the Holidays with family are the best!!! 

So back to that fun. The Jeep, card games, pop corn, we’ve played hard. 





Monday Grampa went to work getting is some lights and outlets in the basement!!!! It’s awesome. I might have to quit calling it the dungeon! It was even light enough for Seth to ride the Jeep down there a little! 



I think he put in 8 or 9 lights-only 2 of which we’re replacing old ones. Fixed a couple of switches-especially the one by the door—yay!! And two or three new outlets. One over by Isaacs saw, one for the freezer, one to run the fans for when Isaac builds fires. And one spare just cuz he had a joint there anyway :) and that’s if I remember them all. The only thing I should have done was warn him we were going to work him like crazy so he could’ve brought his own tool-but he made do with Isaacs. 

These selfies were too cute to not post. 



One morning Isaac and I went into his work to work on his tenure packet and I got this pic with a text that said “your dad is in there somewhere” the boys are merciless 🤣🤣 but what fun tenders right? 

We had good weather the first few days but...it didn’t last. And the Jeep isn’t much of a snow Jeep but we tried. 



So we kinda had to hunker down once the snow came and just play tickle monster and watch the blizzard from the inside. 



I was hoping to do something a little more fun but every time we looked outside we chickened out. I’m just glad we have a warm house-my mom doesn’t think it’s warm-she thinks it’s freezing. Ha. We just hand her a space heater. But it’s been so fun to have them. Phone calls, texts, and Marcos are all good-I’m thankful for technology, BUT there’s nothing better than REAL LIFE visits!!! They’re the best!!!! 

Tanner prayed tonight he’d be ok saying goodbye tomorrow-maybe I should follow the 4 year old’s lead....

Oh wait one for thing-he’s been cracking them up. There was a Hershey Kiss on the counter he told my mom seeing it there was making him want to eat it. She said “oh I can fix that” and moved it out of sight to which he turned up his nose and said “it’s not like I don’t have a bwain” and he’s the only person I know that can say “nugget” (I have no clue where it came from) but he can sound just like he’s cussing when he says it. It’s crazy but I guess I should just be thankful he’s not cussing...I dunno, but he sure manages to convey his disgust. 

Oh and we got the text the kids get to go back to school 🙌🏻🙌🏻

Wait I’m really not done- Isaac came home with a GIANT chainsaw this week (a guy in our ward sells them) he took my dad and they went and toured his farm or something. I said go ahead and buy it-he’s still debating- but I had to give him a hard time. He told me it was our steel anniversary...I asked him if he meant Stihl anniversary. He probably better buy it if he wants it-I think I’m getting blog books...and whatever else I think of. Ha! 

Until next time.