I have good days and not so good days-Wednesday I was great. Today has been rough. 

I’ve read some really good things this week —this was one of them: 

Surely the God who gave your child life in the first place can do it again. 

I liked that! 

Easter will come!! 

Seth will turn 2 tomorrow.

But today is the 26th. 

One month since that appointment with the quiet Doppler and silent ultrasound. And...

February 26. 

3 years exactly since the first time I left Dr Speak’s office after not hearing a heartbeat. This is hard-but that was hard too. It’s different but ultimately the same. 

I never thought I’d tell anyone but...I have here and there-And now I just did. 

I wanted that one to be named Landon. So in my heart he is. There’s a million more things I could say-I’ve thought about all of it-even typed some out-but I think for now I’ll just go with the normal stuff. 

Like normal life here: 

Like we have a saw set up. Upstairs. On the carpet. It saved a million trips up and down the stairs but still completely freaks me out...

There’s a door to outside just a few feet away. It’s still cold out though (although the 30’s feel great after last week) 

We worked on the loft project Saturday-I thought it was really good of me to suck it up and help. I did it cuz it was Isaac’s birthday the next day-and I even learned how to use his saw. The measure 50 times, and hum and ha, and combine my sewing tape measure with his little square rinky dink instead of going getting what he needed, and just the trial & error because we really don’t know what we’re doing-it’s all part of the project to Isaac and learning to figure it out and make it work-he loves it-it’s second nature to him... it drives me absolutely crazy!!! Isaac thought it was good family time. ...Sure we can go with that. 😉 As soon as you peel me off the ceiling. Yikes! 

The kids had the primary face to face that was fun. And Colt and Tan got to go to a birthday party that afternoon.  Then it was back to the project😬. We were hoping to finish tonight, well just the railing part, but it’s not going to happen.  Saturday the boys talked Isaac into letting them have a “sleepover” upstairs. I went bonkers on him when he told them they had to use sleeping bags and couldn’t turn on a heater. We’ve since had several discussions about the “do without culture” and when that is a positive thing and when it’s not. I think we’re moving in the right direction. (Because he did go up and  turn on a heater for them.) 

But that night I heard crying from up there...and Tanner had puked ALL OVER! Like 5 different places—He walked right past the bathroom door and puked on the stairs. Ug! At first I just thought he’d eaten too much junk at the birthday party but... that would’ve ended a lot sooner. Darn. So I had lots of clean up and he spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. 

He, Seth, and I skipped church but it was the first time our ward had zoomed it so we watched. But ultimately the plague had begun. 

So far Colt’s the only one to avoid it. Thankfully it’s consistently been just a 24 hour thing but-not fun. And it messes up the week, the routine-as if we had one-but everything! 

Anyway I have a few other pics. But not much. 

We lost Sis Sillito to transfers Tuesday but had Dennis and the missionaries over Monday before she left. They brought a cute little sign that says “Faith does not make things easy it makes them possible.” And some flowers. So sweet. 

When the snow melts...we get mud! And we have lots of it. 

Seth is a pretty good helper, they were putting together Isaac’s new shop stool he got for his birthday. 



Tan is rocking sounding things out. If it’s phonetic he can pretty much get it! 

Cannon has no idea how much influence he has as the older brother-but these guys sure love their pretend glasses. 

And this kid LOVES laundry!!! It’s something else! 

And if I hide the stools he uses his four wheeler! I have enough laundry to do we have hours of entertainment...but I think yesterday the washer finally died for real (lifting the lid a thousand extra times and making it stop couldn’t have helped 😏 but it has been TIRED for a long time...and leaks every load and sometimes spins sometimes doesn’t) the new one was supposed to be here last week but it didn’t come—hopefully first of next week or I’ll be hitting the laundry mat! 

And we made this boy a cake today—pics next week!! 

But right now I better wrap a couple presents or I’ll be in trouble tomorrow. 😉

I peaced out on a Facebook shortly after we found out I was pregnant. I just remembered wasting so much time scrolling through nothing when I was pregnant with Seth up at night and such and I didn’t want to do that again. So I quit and my time frame was at least until our little brother gets here—well I guess I’m never going back. I might miss a few things here and there but overall I’m just happy I don’t waste any of my life on it. In August Isaac and Colt decided they were going to learn Portuguese and go to Brazil (after thanksgiving. Obviously they didn’t)  but as they practiced Portuguese with an app I was like oh crud I’m getting left behind here (kinda fine with it kinda not) so anyway I started filling the sleepless or just itchy nights with Portuguese lessons on duolingo. I currently have a 128 day streak of at least one little lesson  a night. They started it when Isaac was using my old phone so now we call it the duolingo phone. Today Seth-a-roo deleted Duolingo off of that phone! Stinker! Isaac got it restored and kept my streak alive-good work Honeybear. I think he wants me to go to Brazil with them if they go. 🤣 There’s a lot better chance of that if I felt like I could communicate at least a little! 

The week is a bit of a blur. I volunteered Isaac to be “the Uber ride” for Cannon’s teammates that needed a ride to b-ball last week. I really did check with him first but we both forgot it was stake conference and he had the leadership mtg. So “sure Isaac will pick you up” turned into me. I wasn’t really ready to go back to basketball but it kinda forced me to, it was ok...I was really glad Michaila was there. A little mix up on game times had us sitting there for a while! But we were able to chat and I just pretended I wasn’t around a lot of people. 

Seth got away from me one time and when I picked him up off the edge of the court one of Cannons friends dad said something like  “you got enough of’m it doesn’t matter if one gets away” or something like that. I just kept my eyes on Seth and said “not any more” and walked away. He didn’t mean anything by it but I thought this is why I shouldn’t be here yet!! Oh well. Tomorrow’s games got canceled-they played a little scrimmage tonight and that’s the wrap on this basketball season—and I’m great with it. 

After b-ball last week we dropped the kids off at the Pettit’s and Michaila’s sister tended all 10 kids! My kids love Corinne like she’s their aunt too! 

They had a blast and we enjoyed conference! The adult session is always the best one! It was super fun to have Stake Conference here in Kirksville too. Illinois has way tighter restrictions than Missouri so they did it here-cuz they could! 

No school again Monday and Tuesday because of the arctic freeze! It’s been been super super cold. But one way fun thing that happened is the boys were home when the mail man brought this huge box with these fun blankets my friends from high school and growing up had sent.

They call them their Riz blankets and they LOVE them. It was perfect to get them when it was so extra cold here too. They also sent pic of me holding Riz.

I love it. (I should take a pic you can’t see the shadow in but...you get the idea) Ultimately I’ll hang it in my room by the  “I am a child of God” pics but right now it’s hanging in the living room! Another friend sent a picture of the Savior holding a baby I love it too. And the one Kami sent last week, and the temple pic-I just need to figure our where I want things. People are so nice and thoughtful! 

I’ve been thinking about Tan and the come follow me lesson about the  lost manuscript pages. I blogged about it then, but as I told the story I probably pointed at my belly 4 or 5 times, my belly that had a moving and kicking around little brother in it. As we talked about Joseph and Emma’s baby dying, the thought of our baby dying was really unfathomable. Tanner must have sensed something. I dunno. 

Our efforts to teach our kids the scriptures are kicking our tail lately though. The boys asked if we could have another little brother? I said “No,  moms too old I’m almost 40!” Colt said “Do people stop having kids when they are 40?” I said “Yeah pretty much” to which he countered

“What about that one lady in the Bible? I thought she was like 79.”

I said “Oh I think you mean Abraham’s wife she was old.” (Maybe he meant John the Baptists mom Elizabeth-I don’t know) but I thought Sarah and smarted off  “She was old but she was Isaacs mom, I’m just dads wife!” I thought I was just a little witty and played it off,  but I’m not as witty as my 7 year old! He said “Oh! Then maybe Grandma Ison will have another baby.” 🤣 I didn’t even get it at first I was just happy they were off my back. But thought what are you talking about?  Grandpa Ison already died, then I realized he thought that because she is Isaac’s mom —I got a good laugh! 

What else? 

I dunno.

Did I admit to printing out blown up pics of Riz? MISTAKE -like I somehow forgot they couldn’t bathe him? Things didn’t look near as bad on my little phone screen! Oh boy-those prints went straight in the garbage! The good news is he does not look like that now! The bad news is we have to wait to see him. 

Going to the Dr last week gave me more to play over and over in my mind. For better or worse it’s what I do so -whatever! But I had a little ultrasound pic of his heart, I just really wanted him to show me what was what from when his heart was beating and he did-that was cool. (I was way off guessing)

And he reminded me that we heard his heartbeat lots of times there and it was good (it was always perfect never a concern...until it was gone.) But remembering all of the happy times was a good thing! I also asked...or probably accused is a better word but... accused him of knowing it was going to be way worse than I could ever imagine, to which he just kindof shrugged and said “There is no way I could’ve prepared you for that.” So I guess while ignorance was far from bliss it was probably better than knowing what I was getting into. I am certain I know exactly why pioneer graveyards are full of moms & babies. 

But we Survived it...and now we just gotta survive day to day! 

I hate everything that is “easier” because he’s not here-all the things I worried about like: potty training, when I bit that off at 36 weeks just sitting in the bathroom waiting for Seth to pee with my huge belly, well now it’s easy I don’t have a huge belly and he goes when he needs to. Or hiking up the driveway hill when the van doesn’t  make it in the snow. Or picking up the kids from school, Or even a trip to Walmart-or any store not that I go out much but I was just so paranoid about Isreal and Seth being our two closest kids and how am I going to do this -or that or whatever- when our little brothers here...and now it’s like how am I supposed to do that without him? Is it easier? Technically yes but no!!!!!! Not emotionally! 

What else...I think if you lose a baby you should get to lose baby weight by crying! But that’s not working so I did get on the treadmill this week. 

These two are popcorn eating buddies. Seth loves to help his dad-look close at the back of the skid steer, there’s Seth out there when they had to use the van to jump the skid steer to scrape the driveway in the middle of that arctic freeze nonsense. Glad that’s over! 

The only other things I can think of is we worked on the loft project a little more. And Thursday we had Dennis and the missionaries over for a little bible study-it was good! We have good missionaries and we love Dennis-he's a great guy. Did I already tell about him getting to one of his fields via the cemetery Riz is buried in? He kind of grinned and told me he checks on him. I loved that. 

Oh and this might be breach of trust...I was just impressed by his insight.  He’s a good kid. 

Well I think that’s about it. 

It’s Friday blog day and I got nuthin! 

Of course that’s a lie. 

I don’t have much though. 

But! I totally just had to fix the families are forever post about Riz’s birth/death because I don’t know how to spell my own child’s name. 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s bad. My friend gave me the sweetest necklace-it has a charm with his name and then his birthstone. I LOVE IT!! She asked me today if it was spelled right and I literally had no idea. Good thing everyone is giving me a pass on life right now.  I just said it’s like it is in the Bible (but then I had to look and see what that was—note to self: Israel it’s not spelled is real, that should help me remember right?)  The necklace is right. 😊

And a really sweet friend in our ward who buried a daughter 4 years ago sent me a song called Winter Bear. Look it up on YouTube (Coby Grant) if you want to bawl your eyes out. Dang it. But I love it. And I made a playlist with that and Be Still My Soul on it. It was playing and Tanner said “mom I have parts of this memorized!” I said “good! It’s good huh? We need it memorized!”

Lots of “random” yeah right-more like straight from Heaven!!! texts this week that people were still thinking about and praying for us. Some really thoughtful gifts too. 

We made valentine boxes this week. Cannon made his own with his brothers help-they were so proud. 

I made the other boys-but they got whatever they wanted! Even Seth-who had no need for a valentine box-wanted a dog one-ok you got it bud! 

Colts missing from the monkey box pic —oh well

His teacher got me one 👍🏻

I’m so sick of the stupid masks. 

It’s so dang cold here. (As I write it’s -2 but “feels like” -24) Monday and Tuesday they canceled school cuz of the road conditions. Sis Gilchrist had sent a box of goodies for the boys—it proved to be a life saver straight from heaven! Just little projects to break up the days! 

The fireplace isn’t really doing the trick this year but one night we just sat down around it where it was actually warm and ate choc chip cookies someone had given us. It was fun! 

The boys chopped and played. 

Wednesday we did a little bible study with our neighbor-we love him! 

Oh and the carpet guys came! The boys wanted carpet in the little area above Grama’s room for Christmas (and a climbing wall and a slide) well, of course super dad is going to make it happen! We bought the carpet (just a remnant but up there no one will see it so we didn’t care about the color) and pad before Christmas but we’ve been a little slow with the rest. 

The boys love it but after a blanket accidentally fell (and took Seth out as he was trying to walk up the stairs) I forbid them to go up there until Isaac gets the railing done. It’s too dangerous!!!! 

And the only other thing I can think of  is today  I had a Dr appointment. He told me while I was in the hospital they  like to follow up at 2 weeks to kindof screen for depression. (Someday if I ever blog the tender mercies Dr Speak will be at the  top of the list, we love him, and have since he delivered Tanner, so of course I was going to be cooperative with whatever the protocol was) With that side note in parenthesis what  I wanted to say was: seriously wouldn’t you think something was wrong with me if I wasn’t at least somewhat depressed? I feared those stupid worksheets (they did make me fill one out at the hospital-so lame-) But the appointment wasn’t like that at all. It was good-just chatting with the Dr. asking questions. He’s very professional but we know he was heartbroken for us too. I was terrified to go back to his office, but I walked in the door and they seriously had me back in a room without me even breaking stride. I was glad cuz I was nervous about sitting there amongst the pregnant gals waiting. But it was a non issue. I had Isaac come with me just cuz I was so scared (his first time ever) and I was glad he was there, even driving to the office was pretty dang tough.

But it was really good to ask a few questions, kindof compartmentalize a little bit and feel like ok I’m good, or maybe I’m normal not being good, I’ll probably always be a little broken, but I can move forward. The first thing he asked me is if I was getting better everyday? I was like um NO, it’s still pretty dang fresh. But after chatting with him for 45 min I feel like we’re facing the right direction and we’ll start moving in the right direction too. 👍🏻 And he let me take my mask off. 👍🏻

Oh and they did find some some infection (some big ole 17 or so letter word that ended itis) in the placenta-not in the cord though-he said its not for sure why he died but it was at least a maybe...

And Since Michaila was tending (Seth never even cried 😊🙌🏻) Isaac and I grabbed a cheesecake date after the doc appointment before we headed back to grab the kids and normal life. Probably better call that our valentines date! 

Anyway 

But that’s about it. If I think of anything else I’ll have to add it later I’m falling asleep. 

Just life...trying to hang in there.

It’s Friday, Feb 5th, Riz’s Due Date. I’ve never had a kid on their due date but it’s still a special and anticipated day. So happy due date little man, you were never here on the outside, but really you were here for a long time inside of me -We love you! We miss you!! 

(Sure wish now that  I’d done more with the ultrasound pics than shove them in my purse, darn. So they’re a little tattered but oh well-so is my life right now) 

I’m a little nervous to blog this week cuz, well, never in the 10+ years that I’ve kept the blog (the happy little family journal) has it ever been read so much. It’s ok -maybe even good-but I’m just like wait, am I writing to a mostly private audience like normal??....or not?? ...I wrote last week cuz I always do!! but I shared it with people cuz then I didn’t have to talk but people could still know and I could just hide. I dunno,  one of the hard things is how “public” it is—everyone knew baby any day, so everyone knows, no baby. It’s hard. I want to grieve alone, I want to hide...maybe forever. But we can’t. And I have to say the outpouring of love and support and prayers. Incredible. And overwhelming. We are very blessed and very thankful. We’re plugging along. Slowly. By doing things that need to be done. (It took me a 1/2 hour to make the boys lunches Monday morning-it usually takes 5 min. maybe 10. But I did it and somehow it felt like a step in the right direction.) 

Also I don’t know quite how to blog today...sometimes I find my self wanting to tell more-sometimes na, not so much. Or should I just put the memories on and call it good? Of course that can’t be it-the blog is always therapy for me. The tender mercies should be documented at some point. I dunno but...the usual day by by day—well we’ve survived. That’s really about all I’ve got. 

But maybe I’ll go there just for a little structure. One of the things I had my mom do was the returns to Walmart. I didn’t have a ton but definitely a few things I would no longer need. So Saturday I sent the kids with Grama on kid dates and that gift card with the instructions to buy something fun to celebrate Riz’s birthday. They had fun with it (now we have more army toys I’d like to throw away but I don’t care it was way more about that they had fun with it! And I’ve thrown birthday stuff away before,  I can again—eventually)

Sometime Saturday Isaac said “I think we need to tell the ward, I’m thinking about sending an email.” I was like “No way!” But then later I said it would be fine-it’s not a secret. A few people from our ward already knew. We speculate the guy from the other ward who used to take care of the cemetery probably told Bro Speaks who must have let Sis Kent our RS president know. Then she let my ministering sisters know-they all brought dinners last week -so nice-but it was pretty much mums the word until I said it didn’t have to be. Isaac was a little concerned more people from the other ward would know than ours. I told Michaila and another friend in their ward is a labor and delivery nurse and anyway...we call it our ward family we pray for our ward family every night, so I consented to the ward email Saturday and he sent one Sunday. 

I really like how he started it. I figure if he can share the blog I can share the email 😉

Dear Ward Family,

Another title for the Plan of Salvation is the Plan of Happiness. I testify it is a plan of happiness. I have not however heard it referred to as the plan of easiness. This week reemphasized that fact for my family. Many of you know my wife was expecting our fifth child in the coming days. We found out our son had passed away earlier in the week and my wife gave birth to him on Thursday. I recognize we all face unique trials and hope this information doesn't rekindle raw emotions for you. Lyndi keeps a weekly blog and I am so grateful she is willing to share her feelings with us. Thank you for all your prayers. I know prayer strengthens and sustains us during these hard times

http://keepisonit.blogspot.com/2021/01/temporary-backup-families-can-be.html?m=1

Love,

Bishop Ison

The only other thing I remember from Saturday was my milk was here-ready to feed my baby who was not. Ug!!!! In some ways the blows just keep coming. Dr Speak told me it would be 2-3 days (from Thursday) and it would be worse if I’d nursed my other kids. Yep! Yikes, milk to my dang collar bones! People kept saying they wished they could give me a hug I kept thinking I’m so glad you can’t!!!  But Anyway,  I’m thankful for that too because if the timing of that would have been different I would have tried to go to church Sunday and that would have done me in, I still can’t do people.  

Sunday was cold but I really wanted to go to the cemetery so just Isaac and I went for a few minutes and Grama tended. Overall I did NOT want flowers. Primarily because flowers DIE! But we got some anyway and they are beautiful and really I was so happy we had some to take when we buried him. Sunday I thought they would be toast and we’d need to bring them back to the garbage, but they still looked so good AND it was the coolest thing, as I stood there and cried, “tears” dropped from the flowers! The flowers cried with me! I didn’t know that was possible but it was awesome! 

Sunday I did go with Isaac and Colt down to the great to be 8 baptism preview activity. It was hard but a small enough group I could handle it. I wanted to make sure and support Colt! 

Monday Grama headed back to make it home in time for Uncle Ky’s surgery (that got canceled) but I think the best thing for us is to do normal things as we inch our way back to a new normal. Whatever that is. (Pres Nelson concluded conference with a talk titled that and I listened to it this morning, the thing I loved the most that he said was to keep an eternal perspective!) anyway about our new normal. It was hard for Grama to go-my boys were like WHAT???? That was the shortest Grama trip ever! But the plan is to have Grama come back for a more “normal” trip sometime soon. Unless of course we need her sooner then she’ll come at the drop of a hat-again. The boys are like “you need her mom, you need her! Just say it she said she’ll come back!” And she would, we’re pretty lucky. (They are pretty manipulative. 😉) 

In the last week I’ve read pretty much everything I’ve written in the last 3 years. Here on the blog and in my more personal journal. Some of it helps. Some of it doesn’t. Some of it...why do I write the stuff I do????  I might include some insights and some...not yet, maybe next week. 

“Advance maternal age” has pretty much kicked my tail. I was so nervous with Seth every single appointment then but I just wasn’t worried this time...not that worrying would have gained me anything. Well, I guess that’s not true I was worried

Look at this: 

But at some point I stopped worrying. I guess probably when the 20 week ultrasound looked good and the wild and miserable itching took over. 

But again it wouldn’t have changed things so, we just have to be tough and carry on. 

I often referred to Riz at the “bonus baby” he wasn’t really in our plans-I’m too old!! (But don’t let me kid ya-I prayed that kid almost all the way here!) But  anyway Seth was pushing it at 37. Prayed him “here” or not though to say we were shocked when we found out I was pregnant is an understatement! But we felt like it was Heavenly Fathers plan and we were happy about it! We prayed for him every night since we found out! Just expressed thanks for him and prayed that he would continue to grow and develop and be healthy “if it be Thy will” I swear I said it every time. Sometimes even wondering why I would say it? If God was going to send me a bonus baby of course it would be his will. I thought. But now I can see heavens hand in that being part of my every prayer. Every single night.  I really do want to align my will with Gods. 

But Sometimes It’s still hard to reconcile what I know with how I feel right now. (But I think it’s ok and normal????...hopefully!)

I know God loves his Children. Me and my children included! 

I know my ways are not His ways -and that he has a perfect plan for me and my little family. 

I know we have an eternal family!!! 

I know the scriptural injunction to Be of Good Cheer is to me too-even now-because Christ truly has overcome the world. 

I don’t know everything-but I know enough. (Elder Anderson 2008) and speaking of 2008-that’s the year I met Isaac 👌🏻 The talk I just mentioned. Elder Holland’s  talk on Angels! (We laid in bed and listened to that one this week while Isaac held me and I just cried! We threw a little Alabama Angels among us in there just for good measure too 😉) and this week Come Follow Me -I’ve had so many times when I knew that program was sent to our home-straight from Heaven- but it directed me to Elder Bednar’s talk “Pray Always” where I found this

“we plead for understanding, direction, and help to do the things we cannot do in our own strength alone.” He had me pegged! So we’ll keep praying/pleading! 

“Faith means trusting God in good times and bad!” Elder Holland

I feel like at the point we name our son Israel because it means “Let God Prevail” we can’t be frustrated or doubt or question why instead just remember his name and what it means and lean on what we know-and each other! 

But it still hurts so dang bad! Every part of it is worse than I thought it could be. 

And I can still cry—and I do. 

I might have started out structured but I’m approaching a point where this post is losing all coherence...oh well. 

We are a mess around here and all 6 of us grieving differently. We range from Seth-oblivious but reads all our emotions. (Sweetest thing ever when he wipes my tears) 

To Tan-most emotional (poor kid is like me) but he’s ticked!! He screams that he’s still sad Grandpa Ison died. 

To my most sensitive one Colt an emotional explosion mixed with crazy or naughty behavior. I’m like ahhh you’re never naughty I can’t handle you naughty. To Cann my scripture loving 9 year old who knows Lazarus was dead for 3 days and that it was his siblings who went and found the Savior —Cann expected a miracle too!! When we brought Riz’s body home it’s like he was surprised he was really dead. So hard! I want this to build our faith so we’ve really talked about Heavenly Fathers will and letting him prevail and different scriptural examples and waiting on the Lord (Elder Holland’s talk)...this last conference should really be on my tender mercy list!!! But Cann has definitely been acting out -like crazy and smart mouthed  and defiant and sulky and “nobody cares how I feel” and ahhh it’s hard! 

Me, I’m the roller coaster, it’s actually a pit coaster there are not ups but lots of steep and furious pits. And Isaac is just quiet-he’s grieving too but the poor guy is having to hold the rest of us together. 

Oh but Michaila gave me a book about grieving-At first I didn’t want to read it but I am and it’s really good. I’m grateful for it! Another friend sent another book too I’ll get to it but I’m pretty slow to read and process things. 

Here are two quotes I really like from the first book

“Losing a baby is indeed a life-changing event-as much as is giving birth to a healthy baby“ And “Babies symbolize life innocence and unconditional love.  To associate a baby with death goes completely against all expectations.” 

Anyway...

So what about a little normal fun blog stuff? 

Seth saying Riz

https://youtu.be/tcqkz3OS_zE

A little fun out back, we sent this to Grama and she said. “It was really good to hear you laugh” and I watched and listened again and thought oh yeah-it was! 

https://youtu.be/O4osA1JBagE

I put this twerp down for naps and he found some athletes foot cream in the bottom of the diaper bin...and painted himself head to toe. Great. He’s rocking potty training though so maybe I should get rid of those diaper bins. (And who knows why there was ever athletes foot cream in it in the first place? But it did clean off a lot easier than bum cream so I guess that was a small victory.)

Some of the love- I was going to take pics of all of it but there’s too much. 

Cannons basketball pics

I love it when Andrea takes pictures!! I watched a little bit of Cannons games on a video call but it was a little hard to see. So after I saw him score once I was like eh good enough. 

Tonight we hung out with the Bryants-we love them!! It was fun, they tended after school and we went to the cemetery, then we ate and visited with them-seriously they couldn’t get rid of us! But it was a good, I needed the due date distraction- no one expects me to be “normal” yet but it’s good to try. I hung out/cried at Michaila’s house a few times this week too. I am blessed with great friends!!! But I feel like those little things at comfortable places are actually really important steps. 

🤷‍♀️

But that’s the wrap for this week.